On making new friends as an adult (it's hard!)

I hosted a small party for 10 ladies in my backyard this week. Most of them had never met each other. Two of them I barely even knew. But as soon as we started talking, the conversation was interesting and funny and natural.

I’d been seeking a community ever since we moved here, picturing everyone else in the world having the raucous dinner parties I longed for. But instead of manifesting an invitation or waiting for someone to offer to host, I finally just threw the dang party myself.

Making friends as an adult in a new city in this season of life is really hard. I never quite knew this fact of adulthood until I had to do it, and it requires such intentionality and vulnerability. I’ve had blind friend dates, DM’d strangers on this app for coffee, talked to peoples in grocery lines, joined a book club that morphed into a women’s circle. It’s awkward but it’s getting easier with age and experience. I just know I can’t—and don’t want to—endure life without other women nearby.

I also loved the excuse it gave me to hang pretty patterned lanterns and fill my vintage seashell bowl to the brim with tequila peach punch. And I didn’t take a single photo after people arrived—which of course proves that it was a good time.

I asked people online what qualities they look for when making new friends, and here were some of the wonderful responses. Do you feel similarly? What has worked—or not worked—when you’ve tried making friends as an adult?